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| Tamie Dekker |
So for any
parent, this will be devastating and challenging all in one hit. Then how would you cope if you not only had
one son pursuing a football dream, but another three making their way through
the system? Well, that is the story of Tamie Dekker – mother, mentor, role
model and the greatest fan of her four boys Wade, Todd, Ryley and Jordan.
Football is:
So, tell me what’s
it like being a parent of four boys that play football?
Tamie Dekker:
Fun, exciting,
stressful, challenging! I think when Wade was playing in the A-League, I
actually found it quite stressful. When you hear people say things and comment about
his performance, you’re kind of thinking – ‘Hey, that's my son! You don't know
him.’ That was quite hard and even at NPL level, having both of them playing is
worse - [Todd currently plays for Box Hill United FC] because everything's kind
of riding on them to put that ball in the back of that net and score that goal.
It is stressful – especially if they miss! When you hear comments in the crowd,
that can really hurt - for me that's really changed my perception of the
players themselves and the way I think about them – some of these guys are kids,
they are husbands, they are brothers, they are fathers, they are sons and I think
people forget that. You don’t know who is around you when you make a comment
about that player – their son/daughter could be standing near you, or their
parents, or their wife – supporters forget that they are actually people and
this is also their job, especially like when Wade was playing in the A-League.
This is their job and we all have bad days at the office but because they are
in the limelight, they are more of a target and I think everyone feels that
they are able to comment and give their opinion on these particular people. So,
I found that really hard. It wasn't easy. Wade would say don't worry about it -
‘Mum, don't worry about it,’ he’d say. But it's still your son.
Football is:
How did the boys
start playing football when they were growing up?
Tamie Dekker:
I don't really
know. My family all play sport and they've all been involved in a football club
– Knox Churches Soccer Club - not just as players, but on committees, volunteering,
etc. So, from that point of view, it was just a natural thing to do. As soon as
my husband would get home from work, Wade wanted to go outside and play. He’s
always been with a ball or something in his hand and I think it was natural and
the other 3 boys joined in, as they were able to.
Football is:
As the other boys grew
up, do you think it was seeing Wade playing that influenced them to play?
Tamie Dekker:
Yes and also as I
said our extended family. When we all
got together at my parent’s place, all the boys were outside playing soccer or
cricket with all their cousins! They all
did want to play. Todd actually tried tennis, then played hockey for a season
and then he came back to football. He did a season of Goal Kick, which is like Auskick,
and then he went and tried out hockey for a season and found that a bit boring and
then he came back to soccer. All the boys except Wade have played cricket in
the offseason – Wade played one season of basketball when he was younger. I
think being Sri Lankan, everybody plays cricket and so, it was cricket in the
offseason and soccer in winter and that's just the way it was. So, sport has just
been a natural thing.
Football is:
Were you secretly
relieved that they all took up the same sport? Did that make some of their mornings
a little bit easier for you?
Tamie Dekker:
Yes and no I guess.
I think having four boys for me meant that if I didn't get involved, then I’d
be left behind and I'd miss out on those moments or that time of driving them here,
there and everywhere – that time that you get with them is rare. So driving Wade
to Northcote and then Todd to Northcote and driving the boys to their games on
Saturday mornings, it was special. So on the Thursday night before the
Saturday, I’d sit down with my husband Roy, and we’d have to work out who was
taking who where!! Having four of them, the boys knew one would miss out on having
either of us with them. But also playing for a local club like we did, it was
very much about our community and people would be willing to help out.
Football is:
Do you think that the
other parents become a bit of the support network?
Tamie Dekker:
Yes at our local
Club, Knox Churches, however, Football isn’t our life. Football is one aspect
of our life. Our life is outside of that. Our life is our church, it's our
faith, it's our family. So, you do have that ability to step out of that bubble
and not get as involved in it as what some other parents do. I think that's why
we've been able to distance ourselves from it a bit.
Football is:
It keeps a level
head I suppose.
Tamie Dekker:
Yeah. Because we're
there, we watch them play. There's only a couple of the coaches that we've
interacted with but not a lot of them, and you sort of have to keep your
distance a bit obviously because it’s their job. I think from that point of
view for us – because football isn't the be all and end all of our weekend or
our life – we haven’t had that.
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| L-R: Tamie, Ryley, Wade, Todd & Jordan Dekker |
Football is:
What do you think
the influence of your church in your day-to-day life has brought to the boys
from the point of the view of their upbringing and attitude to things?
Tamie Dekker:
From their
upbringing, our faith, I think knowing that their talent is a God-given talent,
they've got the ability to do what they can and they can do it well. But they
also need to really connect their games and themselves to God first and
anything from that, they need to acknowledge Him in that. Their integrity,
their character, who they are and who they represent is what we would have instilled
in them because I guess being a Christian, you get criticised very quickly
because that's what people are looking for. So, they've got to be better than
that. There’s been a couple of times when they may have said something they shouldn't
have on the pitch and we've heard it and we’d pull them up on it and said --
you know -- it's a human thing but we have to pull them up and let them realise
that it's not what you do. Yeah, it's frustrating but it's not the reaction
that people want to hear. And also, acknowledging that there are kids around as
well and they might look up to you and the way you play your game is not honouring
to God or to anybody else around you. That's what we've tried to instill to the
boys – that their faith comes first, their God comes first and their character and
their integrity and who they are and who they represent because of their faith.
Football is:
In my mind that
makes me think that as parents, you are not only a role model but a mentor
holistically. So, it's not only about sport, it’s about teaching them to
balance life outside of sport, isn’t it?
Tamie Dekker:
Yes.
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| Wade & Tamie |
So, when Wade was injured when he played for Melbourne City, were you at that game?
Tamie Dekker:
We weren't, we were
in Melbourne and we were watching it on the TV. It was pretty tough. It was
very tough and when [with husband Roy] saw him go down, I got really concerned
and worried. I was saying, ‘He's not
getting up’ and Roy’s saying, ‘No, no - he'll get up, he'll get up.’ Then he
got up and he sort of started to walk and we were thinking, he'll be okay. But
then they took him off and then Roy said he's not coming back on. It takes a lot to keep -- Wade off, he
usually gets straight up and keep playing.
He was in Adelaide which meant we couldn't actually talk to him for at
least two or three hours after the game.
The cameras were panning through the rooms and we saw him at one point
and we could see him lying on the bed with this massive ice bag. We thought,
‘Oh, okay, maybe it's just something simple like a sprain’ but we still couldn’t
talk to him, so, that was really hard and I was pretty upset because he was starting
to get game time again, and even in the short time he was on, he was playing
well.
We know it was an
accident, but it was still so hard to see him get taken down. When we finally
got to talk to Wade, he still didn’t know exactly what had happened, They would
be flying back to Melbourne on Saturday, and to go get X-rays and then go and
see the sports doctors on Saturday afternoon.
So, at that point, we were kind
of relieved that he was with a club that just took over and did it all. From
that point of view, it was really good to be in that environment and to know
that it was all taken care of.
Football is:
So, you've got your
eldest son with that injury and I don't know if the other boys have had any
severe injuries during their careers so far, but you're left with the result of
it -- the rehab when they're at home and all that. So, from your perspective,
how do you handle it?
Tamie Dekker:
They'll probably
say that I’m over the top but I think that's just the mother in me wanting to
look after them. I pray a lot for them, and so does Roy. Ryley's had some back issues so that's been a
source of a frustration for him, not being able to play. I think you've just
got to manage them and just be there and listen when you can, give them what
they need, help them when you can and they let you. They're all fairly
independent so they do want to just do it on their own. I mean, Wade’s was obviously
the most serious one we've experienced and he kept a very level head through it
all, but he was frustrated. He could sort of express that at different times and
we've just been there to support them and get them through practically and mentally
and spiritually.
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| Todd, Tamie & Jordan Dekker |
Football is:
I like that you
refer to spiritually. I think it shows a real balance.
Tamie Dekker:
Yeah, well, that’s
our life. That's who we are.
Football is:
And how active are the
boys with the church?
Tamie Dekker:
They are all very
active. They are all involved in the music ministry. We all are. Wade actually heads
up the youth band at our church – Todd and Ryley sing, Jordan plays bass, Wade
plays the drums. So, they’re involved in
that. Todd is also involved in the children's program. I play the flute and sing.
Football is:
So, your family
background is Sri Lankan and you grew up in Australia and your parents‑?
Tamie Dekker:
Yes, I was born in
Sri Lanka and then we migrated to Australia in ’73 or ’74. I was young so I
have lived in Australia most of my life.
Football is:
Do you think the
cultural background of your family has influenced the way that you've brought
your kids up?
Tamie Dekker:
Yes,
Football is:
What do you think
has been the most notable thing?
Tamie Dekker:
Family values. Our family
is very close. It’s not just with my siblings and my parents. The boys had a
fantastic relationship with their grandparents. My dad would be at most of their
games. Unfortunately, when Wade and Todd got to high levels, he couldn't get to
those games but when they were playing at Knox Churches, he would be at their
games as much as he could until his health started to fail. Dad passed away
last year. Our family has always been involved
in the boys’ lives and the same with my siblings. We are also close to our extended family and
there is no generational thing. My aunties and uncles and want to know what
they are up too and show an interest in them.
The boys just went on youth camp with our church, and one of my Aunties
and Uncles and my mum, cooked for their camp.
Getting together as
a wider family, grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces on a
regular basis is a big part of our life and that is very special – crazy fun
and loud!. A lot of people say it's very
unique to our family. Roy's parents are Dutch and unfortunately because they
live in Geelong, they haven't been able to be as involved in the boys’ lives . However, our family has had a big influence
in the way they have grown up.
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| Wade, Tamie & Ryley Dekker |
Football is:
So, a Dutch-Sri
Lankan mix?
Tamie Dekker:
Yes.
Football is:
Temperaments quite
different?
Tamie Dekker:
Yeah, very much.
Yes. Yes, it is.
Football is:
So, do you see any
of the different temperaments coming out in the boys?
Tamie Dekker:
Stubbornness I
suppose.
Football is:
Yeah, is that Sri
Lankan or the Dutch?
Tamie Dekker:
It’s probably both.
It's hard to say.
Football is:
For you and your husband,
if you were to imagine when the kids were quite young and they were just starting
to play sports and not even knowing that you'd have any of them looking at
doing it more seriously, could you ever have imagined where it's all gone with
all four of them?
Tamie Dekker:
No. I guess they’re
young boys and that's their desire -- they want to play for Man[chester] United.
That was sort of something but, I think having four of them, you just don't
know which way it's going to go. It's very fortunate that they've all followed
the same avenues and yet they've always been very supportive of each other. They
play different positions. So, they've always been able to talk to each other. But
no, we probably would never have thought that it would go the way it has gone.
Football is:
Is it competitive
between them?
Tamie Dekker:
No. I don't think
so and I've had that asked a few times. They've always been supportive of each
other and the boys will watch each other when they can and that's part of something
we've also instilled in them. But they've never really been competitive which
is actually really nice.
Interviewer:
What are you the
most proud of as a parent?
Tamie Dekker:
I think their character.
A lot of people have said they’re great boys, they're respectful, the have
great characters, their integrity and the impact that they've had on people is
what I'd be most proud of as a mum, and I think my husband would say the same
thing.
Football is:
What advice would
you give another parent that has more than one child going down this path? What
would be the advice you would give them?
Tamie Dekker:
Enjoy it. It is
tough. Like when Wade started playing, my husband Roy worked for Ivanhoe, which
had Saturday sport so it was hard trying to juggle all of them. Thankfully, I
have a very supportive family. So, that helped. But I was talking to somebody
about it the other day and I said “Just enjoy it, realise it's a season and it
goes very fast and share in the moments. Someone said, ‘Oh, do you always have
to go to all their games?’ and I said, ‘Do you know what? I probably don't but
I want to.’ There are those times when we've been there and something hasn't
gone the way it's needed to go for them, especially with Wade and Todd, and
because we have been there, we have been able to understand their frustration
and support them through it. They have
been able to just be who they need to be with us at different times, and we've
been able to as I said, share those moments – whether it be driving in the car or
just talking about the game – “Did you see that goal!” or “Did you see that
save!” or “Did you see me pass that!” Be there, be there for those moments and
be there to support them because it just goes too fast and as I said, having
four boys, if I didn't get involved, I would miss their whole life. I think
you’ve only got one shot at being a parent and hopefully we've done all right.
Football is:
Tamie, my last
question -- finish this sentence: ‘Football is…?’
Tamie Dekker:
Football. One word?
How many words?
Yeah, it is fun.
Team. Difficult. Frustrating but overall fun and character-building I would say,
yeah, character-building.
Football is:
I asked the Dekker boys ‘What is the one thing about your mum that has influenced you the most?
I asked the Dekker boys ‘What is the one thing about your mum that has influenced you the most?
Wade - ‘Her faith in God!
It has helped her through all the good times and through the tough
times. It helps her to put things in
perspective and her faith and trust in God has always carried her through her
life. ’
Todd – ‘I love how Mum will support us, no matter what
decisions we make.’
Ryley – ‘Her passion for life I think. I know mum’s always
someone you can hear yelling from the sidelines, which can be embarrassing at
times. But, I think it’s her passion for the game and life as it is. It’s the
thing I appreciate about mum and think a lot of people appreciate about her
too. She never does anything half-hearted. It’s all or nothing, and that’s something
I really look up to her for.’
Jordan – 'How she is always there for us and her friends. That’s
just a really great thing to do and something I want to be able to do as well.'
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| Wade, Todd, Tamie, Jordan & Ryley Dekker |
